The Flag Of Pure Bliss

Banners For A Perfect World

Dear Orwell, Dick, and Heinlein: your broken societies are fine.  I love it when you opine, and I don’t mean to whine, but more I must decline.  Because…

It’s time to get our utopia on!  Let’s dissolve all nations.  Break down the borders.  Unite!  Derive all our energy from the sun.  Harmonize with higher powers.  Open our chakras.  Harness our Ch’i.  Enjoy endless leisure.  Swap sweet serenades in Franco-Portuguesperanto.  And dine on terrific fusion food: sushi Szechuan, pad paneer, bi bim burrito, crepes creole, and more!

Shemar Moore and Eva Longoria

Shemar Moore and Eva Longoria

In our Rave New World, the gene pool dances a global lambada.  Humanity’s tones – the myriad shades of white, yellow, tan, red, and black, evolved over millennia of separation – melt straightaway to a radiant Mediterranean brown.  Everyone comes with healthy skin, excellent bone structure, and supermodel good looks – just like Shemar Moore and Eva Longoria.  Mrow!

In honor of those two alluring stars, we christen our utopia as Shemar-Longoriana.  We’ll also need a flag: to affix to the bumper of the AirRover, paint on our faces for the Pan Galactic Championship game, and hoist to the top of the otherwise vacant staffs.

So, let’s get crackin’!  Please partake of our first flag candidate, an artist’s conception of our happy world:

An artist's conception of Shemar-Longoriana

An artist's conception of Shemar-Longoriana

Verdict: Jovial and to-the-point – if a bit vacuous, but add a few goatees and berets and problem solved!

Next, consider this nod to our cultural heritage: an average of the flags of the 200-plus countries of the Old World (2009), weighted by population, levels-adjusted to improve contrast and reduce the preponderance of red:

The world's flags, averaged by population.

The world's flags, averaged by population.

Verdict: An effective portrayal of the ancestral origins of Shemar-Longoriana.  Emotionally-agnostic: great for engineers and statisticians!

Now, for the joy and the history, let’s combine the two:

The flag of Shemar-Longoriana?

The flag of Shemar-Longoriana?

Verdict: A perfect unicorn chaser, but possibly too “Myspace” for flag usage, and so complicated that merely thinking of it sends the Betsy Ross-types into hysterics.  Except in Shemar-Longoriana, of course…  where Betsy is out wind surfing, footloose and fancy free, while her robotic seamstress sews three dozen! 

Ain’t utopia grand?

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